


flower fairy

by moonsprite



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:07:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24722797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsprite/pseuds/moonsprite
Summary: Although visually appealing, not all flowers are edible. Some are mildly irritating, while others can tear you apart from the inside out. You learn this the hard way from Ushijima Wakatoshi, despite his best intentions.
Relationships: Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 92





	flower fairy

“Have you watched it? I was practically bawling at the end, it was so good!”

You laugh and tell your friend that you haven’t watched the movie yet, but you’ll put it on your watch-list. She nods and seems satisfied, moving onto the topic of today’s cafeteria menu to avoid giving you spoilers. But honestly, you can’t remember the last time you really cried watching a movie or reading a book. It seemed to take all the right factors with the right timing to get you that emotional, and you sometimes wondered if you just lacked that sensibility.

Watching your friend laugh and cry about things ranging from sappy romantic movies to a cute cat plushie she found online, you couldn’t help but be curious. It felt like you were missing out on an entire experience. But if you went through the motions, maybe you could get a taste of those feelings, like a form of visualization. As you ponder what might make you cry like a sad movie ending should, you decide to act out one of the more heart wrenching storylines you read about recently - suffering from Hanahaki disease.

After school, you realize that you are going to have to get flowers from somewhere since you aren’t producing them yourself. One quick glance at your surroundings solves that problem - clusters of bright yellow buttercups dot the grass by the academic building sign.

Making sure no one is around to watch, you lean down and pluck a few before dashing off into the shadow of the gymnasium. But just after you pop a handful into your mouth, your tongue is coated with a taste so terrible, you instantly spit them out and hack in the hopes of erasing the experience.

Just then, you hear someone clear their throat behind you. Discreetly wiping your mouth with your sleeve, you turn around to see a tall student athlete holding out a stray yellow flower.

“You dropped this.”

Not wanting to be rude, you accept the flower and pocket it.

“That came out of my mouth, but thanks.”

He looks at you strangely after that remark.

“Did you not eat lunch? That’s not good for you.”

It’s almost impressive how his words show concern but his delivery is so deadpan.

“Uh, no, I had lunch. Don’t worry about it.”

Before he can ask any further, you brush off any stray petals or grass off your uniform and run away in the general direction of the dorms.

  


* * *

  


Ushijima stares after your receding figure, not sure what to think. Meanwhile, Tendou pokes his head out of the gym and finds the captain watching you.

“Who was that, Wakatoshi-kun?”

Ushijima turns around as he replies, taking long strides towards the gym entrance.

“I don’t know. She seemed to be eating some yellow flowers.”

Tendou gawks at him in silent confusion for a few seconds until Ushijima claps a hand on his shoulder at the door. Seeing the captain’s face return to its stoic, unperturbed expression, Tendou puts aside his confusion and concludes that practice today is going to go swimmingly.

  


* * *

  


Semi is heading to practice when he spots you kneeling in the grass, fingers carding through a patch of yellow flowers.

“Are you looking for something?”

You startle, a clump of the flowers falling out of your arms.

“N-No, just cleaning up!” You laugh nervously before running away, the plucked blooms abandoned in the grass.

Confused but intrigued, Semi picks up a stray flower, absently twirling it between his fingers as he walks into practice.

“Ah, that again? There must be a lot of those around here,” Ushijima remarks, mid-stretch.

“Huh?” Semi blinks and realizes that half the team is now looking at him.

“So that’s the flower you saw that girl eating? Is it really edible?” Tendou wonders, staring inquisitively at Semi’s hand.

Shirabu sighs. “Definitely not like that, fresh buttercups are toxic. You should probably leave that outside, it can irritate your skin.”

Feigning indifference, Semi snorts and tosses the flower outside the gym doors. “Whatever, let’s start practice.”

  


* * *

  


Not wanting to be spotted again, you decide to look for flowers in a different part of campus. As you wander around the library, you find a promising cluster of buttercups next to a bush. Maybe this time the taste would get you to shed a tear. But just as you kneel down to start plucking a few blossoms, a sharp voice cuts through the quiet.

“Are you trying to give yourself diarrhea or what?”

“H-Huh?” You look up, startled and feeling a little slighted at the male student’s tone.

He looks down at you, his copper-colored hair casting a shadow over his face.

“You shouldn’t eat buttercups, you know. They can give you intense gastric distress.”

“I’m not eating them!” You insist indignantly.

He doesn’t appear even slightly convinced. “Then why are you looking for them?”

“I’m not-”

“Ushijima-san said he saw you eating them.” He crosses his arms, eyebrow raised as if questioning a witness in court.

He must mean the guy who caught you outside the gym. You just want to escape the conversation.

“No, I was coughing and he picked a flower off the ground and asked if I dropped it.”

“Are you saying -”

You brush the grass off your knees and stand up.

“Can we not talk about this? I don’t even know you.”

He sniffs at that and turns, waving a hand as he walks away.

“I’d wish you good luck but even that wouldn’t be enough.”

  


* * *

  


Ushijima is thinking about what’s for lunch when he spots a strangely familiar face in the school courtyard. Walking closer, he realizes when he sees you reading a book on flowers.

Is she unable to eat the cafeteria lunch? The fleeting thought urges him to drop a meal ticket in your lap before walking off.

Before he can take two steps forward, you call out to him.

“Hey, you dropped this.”

Ushijima stops, turning to meet your steady gaze.

“It’s not from my mouth. Take it.”

“That’s not what I -”

“Eat. You shouldn’t scavenge for flowers around the gym.”

Satisfied that you accepted the ticket, Ushijima nods before resuming his walk towards the cafeteria.

His effort pays off the next day, when he sees you walk by his table with a laden lunchtray, a stray buttercup falling off your uniform in passing.

“Hmm. So she does eat proper food.” Ushijima muses, watching you sit down with your meal.

Tendou laughs. “I mean she’s not a bird, why would she be eating flowers?”

Semi snorts at that. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you tried eating flowers one day.”

Reon motions for them to stop bickering before turning to Ushijima.

“Did you actually see her eating flowers?”

Ushijima’s brows furrow as he recalls the scene.

“There were flowers on the ground behind her. She said it came from her mouth.”

The four of them end up watching you in uneasy silence as you eat your meal, then startle and look away as you glance at them.

As you exit the cafeteria, done eating, Tendou muses, “Do you think she’s poor?”

Semi rolls his eyes. “You can’t just ask people if they’re poor, Tendou.”

  


* * *

  


Curiosity piqued, you soon find yourself scouting for a good spot to watch the volleyball team practice. You heard that the so-called Ushijima-san, team captain, could often be found there in the gymnasium. As you strain to look through a small window, you note to no one in particular that you just want to thank him for the meal ticket he gave you but you’re not sure how.

The team is in the middle of a match, and one glance at the side without Ushijima reminds you that Shiratorizawa is considered a powerhouse school for volleyball. Knowing the general level of student athletes at this school, you shouldn’t be surprised but you are still impressed at the team play unfolding before you. 

The satisfying whack of the ball against the gym floor from a good spike resonates in your chest, and you can’t help but watch Ushijima. His passion and the way he commands the court as a reliable captain and source of support has you captivated. You almost forget that the sun is setting until the match ends.

The orange-pink skies indicate the approach of curfew. As you gather yourself and sneak away back to the dorms, you rub at your sternum, feeling a slight ache. Did something you eat earlier not agree with you? Maybe you really should give up on the buttercups, even if the book said they were only dangerous to humans in larger amounts.

Instead, you decide to watch the volleyball team play from now on, in the hopes that when the opposing team loses, you might be able to feel their frustration and sorrow. But despite your initial intentions, every time you watch a practice you somehow end up just focusing on the captain.

The way he rallies his teammates, his steadiness on and off the court, the small, proud smile he shows sometimes when one of the younger players makes a particularly good move, the burn of passion in his gaze when he hits a solid spike. 

You wonder what it would be like to play alongside him, to have him rely on you and praise you with a clap on the shoulder for pulling off a good play. The very idea of him smiling at you has your chest burning, but you attribute it to the pride you feel when you watch the team win their third consecutive match that day.

This goes on for a few days, but the ache in your chest doesn’t go away. Instead it gets worse, the back of your throat growing increasingly itchy despite your attempts to drink more tea and get more sleep.

One day while you’re peeking through the gymnasium window, you have a coughing fit and bend over, trying to clear your throat. When you raise your head a minute later, you find a few purple hyacinth petals in the palm of your hand.

Could it possibly be? You want to shake your head in denial, to shove the flowers back down your throat, but they stare back at you, soggy and wet. Your stomach churns, legs suddenly losing their strength as you fall to your knees in the grass. Is this what heartache feels like?

As you contemplate the limp petals, you feel increasingly like a stranger in your own body. It feels too strange, too unreal to just accept that those flowers came out of your mouth.

  


* * *

  


While jogging, Ushijima spots you kneeling by the gym building again. As he approaches you, he notices a purple petal in the grass at your feet, no yellow ones in sight.

“Did you change to eating another flower?”

Seeing his shadow cast over you, you look up and smile.

“No, I’m just becoming a flower fairy.”

Ushijima furrows his brow. “Did you hit your head?”

“No, I - I just got too close when I was looking at the flowers. Accidentally got some in my mouth,” you laugh awkwardly.

You try to stand but your legs won’t move. Ushijima extends his hand and you grasp it. He easily pulls you upright.

“Can you walk?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

You try to shake off the shock of being seen and walk off to your dorm. When you finally reach your room, you manage to drop your things before running to the bathroom and vomiting. Looking in the toilet, you see a mixture of blood and purple petals. Your chest constricts painfully, your hand slapping against the stall wall with a loud thud as you slide to the ground. It’s started.

From then on, you try your best to avoid Ushijima and any mention of him, but it appears to be nearly impossible. Your seatmate talks about how handsome he is. You see him with his teammates chattering as they walk down the hall past your classroom. When you walk back to the dorms, you see him help a freshman carry a stack of papers to the academic office. When you decide to grab a sandwich to eat outside instead of in the cafeteria, you bump into him on your way to the school store. He catches you by the elbow and moves to steady you but you quickly bow and run away, not even making eye contact.

Ushijima wonders if he’s done something wrong. You don’t even show up to practices anymore. But he chooses to focus on what he can control: the ball and the matches ahead of him.

  


* * *

  


Two months later, Ushijima is walking by the dorms when he hears someone retching. He wants to ignore it, but it sounds too vicious, too dire. He rushes toward the sound and finds you half-submerged in the bushes. He’s about to ask if you’re sick when you lift your head and he sees purple petals stuck to your cheek.

“This really is a bad habit of yours.”

You laugh, but the smile doesn’t reach your eyes.

“Seems like it.”

  


* * *

  


He insists on taking you to the student health clinic because he ‘doesn’t want to see you eating flowers and throwing up around campus.’ When you check in, he tells the doctor that you keep trying to eat inedible flowers and throwing up. You just thank him for bringing you to the student health clinic and tell him he should go, he must be busy.

As soon as the door shuts, you turn to the doctor and explain, “I’m not eating the flowers, it’s a misunderstanding.”

She gestures for you to take a seat on the bed, moving around you to listen to your lungs. After a few deep breaths, the doctor addresses you, concern clear in her eyes.

“Have you heard of Hanahaki disease?”

You nod, knowing what will come next.

“It sounds like it’s advanced, but you’re likely aware of that. Have you talked to the person?”

You shake your head, looking down at your hands folded in your lap.

“There’s no way I could put this on him. He doesn’t know, and I don’t think I could bear forgetting everything that’s happened. This is the first time I- I’ve felt so much.”

The doctor meets your gaze firmly. “If you don’t get the roots removed, the flowers could take over your respiratory system in a matter of weeks. Please, think about it. And at least come back next week so I can monitor your condition.”

You weakly nod in understanding.

  


* * *

  


Ushijima walks back to his dorm, mulling over what he just overheard. He had been concerned about the continued flower-eating, but the issue turned out to be something completely different. Hanahaki? He’s heard of it before, but he’s never known anyone who had it. Could you really love someone that much? It seems like such a distant concept, he’s not sure what to make of it.

The special daily side dish at lunch the next day is pickled sakura. As his tablemates chatter around him, Ushijima gazes silently at the small flowers, lost in thought.

“It’s sakura! Weird that some flowers are edible,” Tendou remarks.

Semi hums. “Weird that someone tried to eat flowers in the first place.”

“She wasn’t eating them.”

Mid-conversation, the group turns at the stoic captain’s interjection.

“The doctor said she has Hanahaki.”

A heavy silence descends over the usually talkative table.

“W-What if she hasn’t confessed? Her crush might like her back and then there’s no problem!” Tendou points out, lifting a finger for emphasis.

“She said that she couldn’t tell them.”

Searching for some ray of hope, Tendou continues, “But there’s a surgery that can treat it, right?”

Reon sets down his bowl of miso soup. “The side effects can be deterring, though.”

“Forgetting your loved one and all of the memories… and if you’re unlucky, not being able to love again.” Semi sighs. “Not pleasant, but it’s fatal otherwise.”

Ushijima wonders who you feel so much for that you would risk dying without even telling them. He eats the pickled sakura wordlessly, the sour taste blooming on his tongue. It seems unfair to die that way.

  


* * *

  


You’re sitting on your usual bench in the courtyard, soaking in the sunlight as you daydream, eyes closed. The warmth of the sun on your skin envelops you like you imagine his embrace would. As you exhale, the breeze tickles your cheek with your hair and you imagine him tucking a loose strand behind your ear. You imagine him looking at you fondly, the way he looks at the team after a good match.

The ache in your chest spikes again, but you’ve begun to appreciate it as an ironic end to your initial plan. It hurts, but you’re finally crying. Isn’t that what you wanted all along? You feel the tears slip down your cheek - one, two, three. Then a calloused finger sweeps beneath your eyes, erasing their tracks. You open your eyes and nearly jump, heart thudding in your chest when you see the person in your thoughts now standing before you.

“Why are you crying?”

“I-I’m not!” You turn away and frantically rub your face with your sleeve.

“Why do you lie to me?”

Ushijima’s low voice rumbles in your ears, and you gulp.

“W-Wha -”

“You weren’t eating the flowers.”

You look up, blinking in the sunlight.

“That’s what I said from the beginning - wait, what are you talking about?”

“Are you prepared to die?”

“Huh?” You instinctively recoil at his statement and the solemn look on his face, but he moves to sit down next to you. The courtyard bench has never felt so narrow to you before.

“You shouldn’t die for love. It changes.”

You exhale a shaky laugh. “Figured it out, huh. But love might be worth it for me.”

Ushijima stares at you. Unable to meet his gaze, you look up at the trees rustling their leaves, the bright blue sky and puffy white clouds that float by.

“Falling for him helped me understand the world a little better. It’s made me the happiest I’ve been and the saddest I’ve been. He makes me feel like the world is worth treasuring. You love volleyball, right?”

You see him nod out of the corner of your eyes.

“It’s like that for me, just for a person. That’s all.”

Ushijima murmurs, “You don’t expect him to return your feelings?”

“No, he doesn’t seem to believe in love that much.”

You offer him a small smile before a coughing fit forces you to turn to the side, bending over the edge of the bench.

“Hey -”

Ushijima reaches out but you wipe your mouth with your sleeve, letting the purple flowers fall to the grass, before turning back and giving him a smile you hope is reassuring.

“It’s okay, they’ll fertilize the soil. Don’t tell anyone else, alright?”

  


* * *

  


A month and a half later, you pass away in a hospital bed. Upon receiving the news, Ushijima decides to attend your funeral. You look almost ethereal in your casket, white flowers strewn about your head like a halo. As he gazes upon your still form, he silently hopes that you are happy, wherever you are now.

He later receives an envelope in his mailbox, simply addressed to him with no sender noted. When he opens it, a piece of paper floats out.

_Thank you for everything. Please be happy._

Parts of the paper are wrinkly, as if they had gotten wet and dried out. As he scans the letter for a name, Ushijima feels like something heavy is sitting on his chest and rubs at his sternum absently. Maybe he needs to get more sleep.

With that conclusion, he puts the envelope and paper away in his desk drawer and prepares for bed. Outside, the evening rain taps out a quiet rhythm against his window.

**Author's Note:**

> Buttercups represent lightness and joy, while purple hyacinths represent sorrow.
> 
> As a side note, this was initially intended to be a crack fic, but when I started writing it out things just started rolling downhill (no pun intended... unless?) I hope you enjoyed the team dialogue nonetheless :)
> 
> Cross-posted on tumblr @sosugasweet!


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